My husband started his new job yesterday, and he loves it. So here is my confession: my professional life has been on hold for a year now.

waiting

The job I was working in for two years ended the same month my husband and I had planned to start trying. Since I was sure we would get pregnant quickly I did not rush to get another job. Instead I applied for– and was accepted to– a certificate program through a major state school that would take no more than a year to complete. I figured that would keep me busy and then once we successfully conceived I could increase my class-load to finish up the certificate before giving birth. In August I decided to go ahead and take on a part-time nannying position.

By April I realized it was not all as easy as I had hoped it would be, and by that time we knew, or rather fervently hoped, that we would be moving. So again, I waited. Now a year later and I am done waiting. I have started applying to jobs in our new community, and I hope one of them works out. The only thing worse than failing to get pregnant is failing to get pregnant and being alone at home all day to obsess worry about it.

So that is my confession. I put my life on hold for a year for a baby I still don’t have.

Yesterday I learned that our new health insurance will not kick in until September 1st. That’s two whole months away! We have access to COBRA if we need it, so I am not too worried about emergencies… I am just disappointed, because we had talked about getting tested this month to see why we haven’t successfully conceived yet. Sure, we can keep TTC the old fashioned way, but it feels like wasted time, since we haven’t had much luck doing it that way over the last 13 months.

What do we do now?

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