Well, it’s official. Around midnight my cycle (and any hopes I harbored for getting pregnant this month) ended. I’m not going to lie: I am taking it harder than I have in the past; harder than I thought I would. This was it, though. This was our last attempt before seeing a specialist. I may talk about struggling to conceive, but once we set foot in that clinic it become more. It becomes tests and appointments, official notations in our chart, it becomes very, very real. My husband and I didn’t do much last night. We each grieved in our own, quiet ways.

This morning we slept in, and then we went to our favorite brunch place for some comfort food: pancakes and extra crispy bacon. Afterwards we took a scenic drive along the coast for a bit and then back into town to the library. After getting our brand new library cards (yay!) we browsed for a while before checking out and heading home. Sounds nice, right? It was. Sort of. See, I awoke at 5am with THE.WORST.CRAMPS. A Midol and a heating pad helped a lot, and I was able to get back to sleep. But around the time we got to the library they were back. I only really get cramps every two or three months, and these are the second worst cramps I have ever had, so I spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on the couch with a heating pad.

My sweet husband took good care of me. He made an excellent dinner of homemade lasagna and watched Crazy, Stupid Love with me (love that movie). He’s the best. He looks out for me all the time, but when I feel crappy he goes above and beyond. I took a Tramadol and that has helped A LOT. I can walk around without groaning and clutching at my uterus. It may also be making me just a tad bit prolific, so I apologize if this is a bit much.

Cramps are just the salt in the wound of trouble conceiving. It’s like the universe is kicking me when I’m already down. Each month I do something different to “cope”. There might be a nice bottle of wine involved or a nice, thickly frosted piece of cake. Sometimes it’s a movie or a frozen margarita with salt. Whatever it is, it gets me through the first day or two when my body feels crappy, and my heart feels worse.

What are your go-to coping mechanisms?