A month or two ago I decided I needed to take a break from Facebook. I won’t get into all of the reasons here, but suffice it to say I am MUCH happier since I “gave it up”. I still have my account, and I get on periodically just to see if there is anything I need to be aware of and to make sure I don’t miss any direct messages from people. It is better for me to spend 10 minutes on FB once a month, as opposed to several minutes every day.
I had several very good friends in college whom I have fallen out of touch with, in spite of my best efforts. I had to learn that relationships of all kinds take work from both parties, and there is no sense putting in a lot of effort into maintaining a friendship of the other person isn’t willing to put in the work. I am still Facebook friends with these people, and over the years I have been hurt by reading updates on their account. I found out about relationships, engagements, weddings, illnesses, and even family trauma via Facebook.
Today I decided to get on and see what’s new, and now I wish I hadn’t. They are all getting pregnant, seemingly easily, and making their announcements and posting pictures of baby-bumps, and talking about approaching due dates, and it makes me feel left out and left behind, anxious and jealous. Here am, 5 weeks pregnant, and I still feel this flurry of negative emotions when I see other people successfully making babies.
I’m really just bowled over right now by these feelings. I assumed it would get better once I had my own successful pregnancy… but maybe that is the issue. I don’t know that this pregnancy WILL be successful. Maybe it is just a matter of time. Or maybe I will always feel this way a little bit.