It was a year ago, give or take a few days. The positive pregnancy tests changed to negative, and in spite of my persisting hope (“Maybe my urine is too diluted?”) I began to bleed. What started out as a dream come true ended in blood and tears and a broken heart.

It took me almost two months to come here. When I started this blog I felt lost and uncertain, bruised and afraid. Why did I lose that embryo? Why must anyone struggle to conceive or to keep a pregnancy? Coming here, meeting you through your blogs has not helped me to answer these questions, but it gave me back my hope.

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I still struggle: why am I pregnant, but she isn’t? Why was my struggle relatively short when her’s has been ongoing? Why…? But a year after my heart broke it finally feels a little more whole. I’m gonna be a mom in a few months. Thank you, Lord.

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